My love for dogs began the moment I was born. My parents brought me home and introduced me to our Chow and Keeshond, Buddha and Kaysha. There hasn’t been a day in my life that I have been without a dog waiting for me at home.
This love for dogs and witnessing their unconditional love and devotion has fueled my passion, which is exactly why I love writing for iHeartDogs.
One Dog Changed The Course Of My Life
I have to admit, one dog stands out among all the others. Meet Bonkerz.
When I was 18-years-old, I was eagerly counting down the days until I would be moving from all I’d ever known in Clearwater, Florida to my first apartment in Louisville, Kentucky where I’d be attending the University of Louisville. It was 2009. I wasn’t sure what my future held, but I knew I wanted a dog. A Morkie to be exact.
A friend surprised me with a dog. I was woken up by something standing on my back and sniffing my ear. When I rolled over I saw him – and it wasn’t love at first sight.
He was visibly older and not the fluffy Morkie puppy I had my heart set on. If I’m being honest, I was a bit disappointed. I hadn’t yet learned to appreciate the love that a rescue dog has to give, but I quickly grew wiser.
The Dog That Nobody Wanted
I took Bonk home that night (he already had that name) and I processed what I knew about him as he climbed into my lap on the drive. He had recently been adopted from the SPCA and his new family had kept him just a couple of months before deciding they didn’t want him. I just knew something had to be wrong with him but I hadn’t figured out what just yet.
Me, being an ignorant and somewhat inconsiderate 18-year-old who thought I knew everything, walked into my mom’s house and set Bonk down to explore.
“Whose dog is that?” my mom asked.
“Mine,” I told her.
“What do you mean it’s your dog? He’s not staying here! You didn’t ask me if you could bring a dog home!”
Needless to say, she was angry and she had every right to be. That was until Bonk walked over and begged her to pick him up. She lifted him into her arms and he laid his head on her shoulder and he solidified his place in the family.
What He Did Next Set The Tone For Our Life Together
I went to bed that night and left Bonk on the floor in my bedroom. It blew my mind when he jumped right up onto my bed, walked up to my shoulders, and immediately burrowed down under the covers and laid right against my chest. He would come to do this every single night for the next seven years.
Tears started to pour from my eyes as I began to realize the magnitude of the living, breathing, creature I was now responsible for. I was at least his third family and he wanted to immediately love me and be by my side. We stared at each other and I asked him, “How come no one wanted you? I know how you feel. You’re never going to feel that way again. I promise.”
It Was Like The Universe Knew We Needed Eachother
Bonk adopted a more formal name: Bonkerz. The “z” was compliments of my not-fully-developed teenage brain, but it stuck. Bonkerz and I moved to Kentucky three months later.
Over the next couple of years, Bonk and I were together through the worst of it. We were broke. Like, could barely afford food broke. When I went through breakups and heartbreaks, Bonk was there wiping my tears – literally. I’d scoop him up and he’d rub his face on my cheeks over and over again wiping my tears away. I always thought he must have been taught to do that, and the universe knew I needed him.
The Day His Blood Soaked My Clothes
I let Bonk out in my yard one day to go potty and he wandered onto the property next door where another dog was tied up. Bonkerz, in true Yorkie fashion, had an attitude and decided he could challenge the bigger dog by barking at him.
Unfortunately, before I could get to Bonk, the other dog got to him first. The most horrific scene unfolded before my eyes as he picked Bonk up by his head and shook him so violently, it was like Bonk was a chew toy. He screamed the entire time and those screams are so disgustingly vivid in my mind.
Without even thinking, I intervened and got the attacker to drop Bonk. As quickly as he dropped him, he picked him back up, this time by his little neck. I finally got him to let him go and Bonkerz was screaming just like a human.
I ran to another neighbor’s door as his blood dripped down my arms. He was dying in my arms and I felt that it was all my fault. I sat on the porch as I waited for the neighbor, who I didn’t even know, to bring their car around to take us to the emergency vet. Each time I heard his blood drip onto the cement, my heart beat faster and faster. The metallic smell, the sound of the splatters, and the blood-curdling scream coming from my baby was worse than any nightmare.
Desperate, Alone, And Hoping For A Miracle
I stood in the vet’s office and waited for them to give me an update. I was 19 and I had about $500 left in my bank account to last me two more months for all of my bills for the semester. I called my mom, hysterical.
Good news. He was going to make it. I felt like I won the lottery.
Bad news. His jaw was broken in multiple places, and they’d have to remove almost all of his remaining teeth.
The veterinarian showed an act of such kindness and mercy when he told me the surgery and lengthy hospitalization would be something around $700 – a fraction of the true cost, I’m sure. I emptied my bank account and my mom paid the rest. Neither one of us was in any position to pay for it but it was worth every single cent. I visited him as much as possible while he stayed hospitalized.
His jaw never fully healed despite the wire that was in place. This resulted in the most perfectly imperfect crooked smile. Sometimes it was perfectly aligned and other times it was like his bottom jaw was out in left field. It took some getting used to for both of us. The vet told me Bonk would be on a liquid diet indefinitely. But, in true Bonkerz fashion, he said, “Watch this!”
I pureed his food and put it on the floor and he immediately began slurping it up despite his muzzle and E-collar, both of which he had to wear 24/7 for the next several months. Within a couple of days, he had found my other dog’s kibble and somehow began eating that instead. He refused his liquid diet. Once again, he just wanted to fit in and defy the odds.
The Worst Was Yet To Come
From that point on, I lived with my friends’ families and survived mostly on their generosity while I finished school. I tried to take Bonk with me as much as I could so I didn’t burden anyone by leaving him in their house.
I became a firefighter while I finished my degree in Social Work and Bonkerz quickly won over the hearts of my crew. He was invited to stay with me overnight on shift, which he did happily.
He loved to move from one recliner to the next in our day room, wearing out each firefighter’s scratching hand. He’d sneak into the kitchen at dinnertime and use that adorable crooked smile to get treats.
Then 2012 hit. If you thought 2020 was a dumpster fire, then in my world 2012 was an atomic bomb.
In March, one of my friends committed suicide. Being a first responder, I had listened to her death over the radio, unbeknownst to me as it was occurring. I found comfort in the compassion and empathy of my mentor and captain who made it his mission to check in on my mental health regularly.
As the days went on, everything in my life began to compound and the darkness I was feeling became harder and harder to shake. Looking back, there’s no question that I was being consumed by the suffocating grip of depression. I just kept thinking, “One day I’ll be happy.”
Each Day Was A Struggle To Find The Will To Live
That day seemed further and further away each morning that I woke up and had to pretend that I wasn’t dying inside.
At this point, I was a member of two separate fire departments, working multiple odd jobs, going to EMT class at night, and going to college full time. On my other fire department, I was being severely sexually harassed. Afraid to speak up and be stuck with a stigmatizing label, I tried to handle it myself which only made things worse.
I was being touched inappropriately, bullied, and humiliated. I had pennies in my bank account after my bills were paid. I was often surviving off of peanut butter sandwiches I’d sneak from my good fire department’s commissary. I still struggled to process my friend’s suicide and I still carried the weight of the guilt of Bonk’s accident. Then December came.
Christmas Was Supposed To Be Filled With Happy Memories
I was home in Florida for Christmas and excited for the prospect of a fresh start in the new year. Christmas was a few days away and we had all the fun Christmas events planned.
December 21st, 2012 was the day that the world was predicted to end. I went to an “End of the World” party at a friend’s house and as the clock struck closer to midnight, it seemed as if the world would stay exactly the same.
Then my phone buzzed.
It was a fellow fire recruit. Our captain, my mentor, the man who frequently made sure I was mentally okay, had died. Not only did he die, but he committed suicide.
The world may not have ended, but the world I knew was changed from that moment forward. I was suddenly jaded, scarred, and broken in ways that I still have not been able to fully heal to this day. I went to my aunt’s house that night and cried so violently for hours that I began to heave. The whole time, Bonkerz stayed right by my side offering his gentle nudges of support and love.
The next few months grew darker and heavier than I ever dreamed possible. I now carried the guilt of not seeing my captain’s pain before it was too late. I was still being sexually harassed. Bonk was still trying to heal but still trying to make me smile. Nothing was getting better – just much, much worse.
My Mind Was Drifting Further Away Than I Realized And I Began Making Plans
I began to think of what I could do to end my pain. Where would I do it? Who would find me? How would I accomplish it? What would I write so they’d know why and that it wasn’t their fault?
I’d sit and cry for hours. There were a couple of events that made me decide I couldn’t go through with it, but the thing that kept me holding on long enough to decide that was Bonkerz.
I’d look at his precious face and he’d wipe my tears, day after day. I saw how much rejection, loss, and physical and mental anguish he overcame. I realized that if he could find the will to live after all that he’d been through, then so could I. Just the thought of him being abandoned again broke my heart more than I can put into words.
“I Promise, Bonky Boy… I’ll Be Okay Now.”
Everything began to turn around. I started going to a therapist. I graduated from college a few months later. I started a career and eventually got married. We moved back to Florida and Bonk finally had a house to call his own, filled with every treat and toy and comfy place to nap that he could ever want. He was always my biggest cheerleader.
He had began having health problems a couple of years earlier. Bonk was now deaf and blind. When we had gatherings, he’d walk around the house sniffing each person until he found me. Then he’d jump up for me to hold him. That was his favorite thing to do since the day I brought him home.
I knew his days were almost done. We sat outside together one night and I rocked him in my arms. He was wearing a diaper at this point. I told him that I’d be okay and that he could let go. He laid perfectly still as I poured my tears over him and thanked him for saving my life.
“I promise, Bonky Boy… I’ll be okay now.”
He Gave Me One Last Smile Before He Crossed The Rainbow Bridge
On October 22, 2016 at 8:15 am, my husband and I, along with our amazing vet, gave Bonk one last act of love and helped him cross the Rainbow Bridge.
In true ornery Bonkerz fashion, he rallied as soon as he was given his sedation shot and tried to bite the vet. He gave us one last perfectly crooked smile before he took his very last breath.
My life was forever changed because of the love of one dog. One dog who had been abandoned, beat down, unwanted, and unloved. His perseverance was the greatest miracle I’ve ever witnessed, and I’ll forever owe my life to him.
We now have another Yorkie named Lenny who was born right around the time Bonkerz died. Looking at these pictures of Bonkerz over the years and Lenny as a puppy, I can’t help but wonder if Bonk isn’t quite gone.
This one’s for you, Bonkadonk.
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via Whisker Therapy